It was a cold December night, the night Seth Harper’s mother died. 19 years later, close to the anniversary of her death, the weather was the same. A cold breeze swept past him as he closed his laptop. He sighed, thoughts of his mother taking his concentration away. Lately, those memories seemed to be invading his thoughts. Maybe he still couldn’t let go? Maybe God was trying to tell him something?

He shut the slightly opened window. Normally he welcomed the cold air, but tonight it was too much. It reminded him of something so painful. He glanced over at the picture on his desk. This picture was the only possession he had left of her. It was his twelfth birthday, and she had her arms wrapped around his shoulders, both of them were smiling. That picture was taken the day before her already weak heart got worse. That smile would soon leave his face and would not return until years later. It took a long time before this boy could laugh again, and even then it was hard. He remembered it all too well...

“Seth, promise me you’ll stay close to the Lord.”

“I can’t!” He cried, “Not without you!” He clasped his mother’s hand tightly as she slowly began to slip away. In the background he could hear the beeps of the heart monitor begin to get farther apart. How could someone’s heart, so full of love and joy, be so weak? How could a heart like that have problems?

“Seth, you need to cling to Him. He’ll get you through. I know this is hard.” She carefully lifted her pale, weak hand to wipe the tears on his face. He was a handsome boy, as his mother so often reminded him, so full of life, yet so young.

She, too, had lost her mother at his age, he remembered her telling him. What she never mentioned was it had been the hardest day of her life. It had to be, this was the hardest day for him, and now he would be all alone. He never knew his father, as he died in a car accident while Seth’s mother was six months pregnant, and he had no brothers or sisters. Yet God had still been good through it all. Would she get that message across to a son that so desperately wanted his mother to live? He watched her lips move. She was praying for the right words to say. In a raspy whisper, she said, “Oh, my sweet boy. Do you know that you were the greatest gift God ever brought me? When I first held you in my arms, right then and there I knew my reason for living.” She paused to catch her breath, “I dedicated you to the Lord and I know He has a special purpose for you. Maybe...you’ll be able to help someone else someday.”

“Mama, you can’t leave me. Please, live for me now.” He held her hand tighter as he buried his tear stained face in it. Even lying there in the hospital, it still smelled like her. Oh, how would he go on?

“My baby boy, my son. I love you, never forget that, but my work is done. God is calling me home.”

“But your home is here, with me, can’t He see that!”

“Seth, don’t be bitter with God. It will only lead to an empty life. He’ll be the only One who will never leave you nor forsake you. I can’t hold on much longer. Promise me...” Her hand felt weaker, and he could see the pain in her face. He knew it was only a matter of minutes.

“Mama, I love you so much....I...I...promise.” was all he could say as tears kept him from saying another word.

“I love you too, Seth, but Jesus loves you even more. Cry, cry your heart out. Tell God your pain. Yell and scream at Him, if you have to, He can take it. He’ll understand and He’ll see you through, but always, always hold on to Him...”

Seth held on to her cold hand, even when the doctors unplugged the machines. To this day, he can still feel that cold hand, see those eyes as they closed and her face as it finally became peaceful.

Since he had no other relatives, he was forced to live in a cold, uncaring foster home. Even then, Seth kept his promise. His foster parents forbid him from going to church, so all Seth could do was keep the only thing his mother had given to him close at all times and just study it day and night. Then, those same cold, uncaring hands took that Bible away. So, Seth Harper held on to the only Person who truly loved him. He had to. After endless beatings, he finally ran away, holding on to God’s hand and that one picture he kept carefully hidden.

‘That one picture’, he thought, taking another look, “Oh, Lord, use me. I don’t know why I had to go through that, or why things have happened the way they did, but I know You have a plan. Show me what you want me to do.” He said, as he put his coat on. He grabbed his briefcase, closed the light to his office, and proceeded out the building. The ice cold wind whipped around him, and he pulled his coat tighter. He was hurrying so fast, that he didn’t see the boy laying on the ground. His briefcase went flying and so did he. “What the...” he said as he turned to see what had made him fall. There, lying on the ground, was a young boy. His coat was thin and torn, he looked pale, dirty and scared. The boy stirred, jumping up quickly at the sight of another human being.

“Who are you?!” His eyes registering fear. It was then Seth noticed his bleeding hands.

“I work in this building. The question is, who are you and what are you doing here? And why are your hands bleeding?”

“None of your business.” The boy turned to run. Seth could see a lot of hurt in his eyes. He knew this boy had a story to tell and he prayed he would tell it. He felt the Spirit stir within him, and knew God had a purpose for this.

Holding On - Part 2