Joanna’s mind drifted back in time as she lay in the hospital bed after hearing the diagnosis. “Pancreatic cancer”, the doctor had said. Shock and disbelief clouded her face. Was God punishing her for something? Perhaps He was trying to get her attention....

“Joanna, you’re so beautiful. Let’s run away together, just you and me.” Her co-worker, Ray had told her.

“But Ray I’m married.” She whispered as Ray planted kisses on her face, her neck. She could feel his blonde hair brushing up against her cheek. It smelled like cologne.

“Yes, and unhappily, if I’m not mistaken?” He pulled away, his blue eyes questioning.

Joanna sighed. It was true and she knew it. The early stages of her marriage had been rough. Michael had been laid off of work and was overcoming an alcohol addiction.

“I know. Oh, Ray, I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to just run away from it all, and another part is afraid.”

“Afraid of what, Joanna? Michael? Please, as miserable as he is, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. What could you possibly be afraid of? Ruining an unhappy marriage?”

She turned away, unable to face Ray, “I don’t know. I guess part of it is guilt. I took vows, made promises.”

“Please, what’s a vow anymore? Just a signed contract saying you’ll tolerate each other until you can’t tolerate each other anymore.”

She turned to him in anger, her green eyes flashing fire, “It’s so easy for you to say! You’re not even married! You have no idea!”

He went to her side and pulled her into his arms where she sobbed on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make this hard for you. I love you, Joanna.”

“I know.” She sobbed, but wasn’t sure if she felt the same. An office affair, how could she do this to Michael? Then again, how could he do what he was doing to her? He was so distressed over his job, he drowned his sorrows in alcohol. It had been two months since he lost his job, and the day Michael came home drunk, it was then Joanna began to confide her feelings in Ray. He made her feel good, and he listened. It was more then she could say for Michael. She had been so in love when they first met, she never saw this other side to him. Her mother and father had warned her, but she didn’t listen. Love was blind, so they say.

“Joanna?” Ray interrupted her thoughts. She lifted her head to look into his eyes. All it took was that one look and she was lost. Two months later, Joanna had an abortion. Neither Ray nor Michael ever found out. She knew it was Ray’s as Michael hadn’t touched her in months. It was after the abortion Joanna stopped seeing Ray. Ever since, she never once cheated on Michael again. Things eventually turned around. Michael got a job, quit drinking, and life went on. She became pregnant with Danny, but would forever be haunted by those cold, uncaring hands as they sucked that two month old life right out of her. Joanna was never the same.

******

“Sweetheart?” Joanna heard as she fought to stay asleep. Couldn’t they leave her alone?

“Sweetheart.” The voice called again. Her eyes opened and there stood Michael. Behind him was Danny. She couldn’t help it as tears pooled in her eyes. Michael took her hand and gently kissed it.

“Joanna, we’re going to be with you every step of the way. Your family, co-workers and friends are all here for you. In fact, some are waiting just outside to come say hello.”

“I’m scared, Michael.” She admitted as the tears fell freely.

“Shhh.” He planted a kiss on her forehead.

“Mom, are you gonna die?” Danny’s voice came from behind Michael. Both parents turned to look at him.

“Danny.” Michael gave him a look as if to tell him it wasn’t an appropriate question.

“No, Michael. It’s ok...Come here, Danny.” Joanna wiped her tears away and took Danny’s hand as he sat on the other side of her.

“Danny, the prognosis doesn’t look to good. I have to be honest and say I don’t think I have much longer. Pancreatic cancer is a scary disease. Not many people know they have it until it’s too late.”

“So...you’re gonna die then?” He looked down at the bed, then buried his face in his mother’s stomach. Joanna gently stroked his hair. She heard him sniffle. Turning to look at Michael, he, too, had tears in his eyes.

“Boy, if we aren’t the picture of a happy family.” Joanna joked, but she knew it wasn’t a joking matter. Both turned when they heard a gentle knock on the door.

“May I come in?” Jo Jo’s deep voice asked.

“Oh, Jo Jo, please do.” Joanna replied.

Jo Jo eyed the somber family and said a silent prayer.

“I’ve been praying about this situation.” Jo Jo said.

Danny’s head came up at the mention of prayer.

“I want to share some things with you, if I may?” She asked.

“Jo Jo, I know you and Joanna are good friends and all, and I know you have strong beliefs, but...”

“Please? Let her talk.” Danny interrupted his father.

Jo Jo thanked God for the open door. She shared her faith and the things that were on her heart. As she talked, the stronger her voice got, and the more it seemed like the words just flowed. By the time she was done, even Michael had to admit, there was something different, almost a peace in the room.

“Well, I think I’ve said what I wanted to say.” She stood, ready to leave, when no one said anything in reply, “I have to get going, but I will be back. Just wanted to give you some food for thought. The Lord had you heavy on my heart lately, Joanna. OH, one more thing...I keep getting this scripture verse, perhaps you know what it means? ‘And the truth will set you free.’”

Joanna knew exactly what she meant.

*********

“You what??!!!!!!” For the first time in the fifteen years they were married, Joanna had never seen Michael this exasperated. Danny had followed Jo Jo out, and Joanna felt it was time to tell Michael about her past. After stating she had had an affair, Michael let go of her hand and stood up quickly.

“Michael, I know there’s no excuse for what I did, and I’ve lived with the guilt for fourteen years, but please, I can’t bear it if you don’t forgive me now. I swear I never cheated on you after that. Once it was over, that was it. Please understand, I was scared.”

“Scared? What on earth did you have to be scared of?!” He yelled. Joanna was thankful the door was closed.

“You.” She said timidly.

Michael stopped short and stared at his wife.

“Me?”

“Michael, you had just lost your job and you kept coming home drunk. You took everything out on me. After about a week, and having no one else to turn to, Ray was a listening ear. It started out innocently, I promise. I had no intention of going any further, but he let me pour my heart out to him.”

“Seems you gave him a little more then your heart!” He flared up again.

“Michael, please!! I loved you, I still do, but I was scared then. You wouldn’t let me get close. I didn’t know what else to do!” She was sobbing.

Michael wanted desperately to comfort his sobbing wife, especially after what was going on, but he needed time to think, to gather his thoughts.

“Annie girl, I need time to think.” He said, using his nickname for her when they were dating, then a few years into their marriage.

Joanna stopped crying, “Michael, you haven’t called me that in years.”

“Yeah, haven’t done a lot of things in years.” He scratched his head, “Listen, I need to think about this. I...” He walked toward the door and stopped, never turning around, “I’ll be back.”

*******

Joanna was haunted by dreams that night. Dreams of her aborted baby screaming out “Mama!”, Michael yelling at her, Danny repeating over and over, “So...you’re gonna die then.” She woke up soaked from sweat. A nurse happened to come in to check on her, and immediately took her temperature. It was high. Pain overwhelmed her that instant. She moaned loudly. The nurse gave her painkillers. Joanna slept again.

*******

It was two days before Michael came back. In those two days, Joanna’s family visited. They were all sweet and caring, but, as Joanna noticed, no one offered any hope the way Jo Jo did. All seemed to think she was going to die and that was it. There had to be more to life then this, she thought.

*******

“There is more to life, Joanna.” Jo Jo said, over the phone. After the relatives had gone, Joanna mulled over this thought. She knew of only one person to call.

“I’m scared of dying.” Joanna replied, tears pooling in her eyes.

“There’s nothing to be scared of, honey. God’s promised a beautiful place in Heaven for those who love Him. You just have to have a willing heart.”

“Oh, Jo Jo, I do. I’m ready. I really am. There’s just one more thing I have to tell Michael, and then I can ask God to forgive me. Jo Jo, can I call you when I talk to him?”

“You know you can.”

As if on cue, Michael walked in the room as soon as Joanna hung up the phone.

Both stared in silence, as if afraid to speak.

“Hey, Annie girl.” Michael finally said.

“Michael, I have something else to tell you. Please don’t get upset until I’ve finished. I need to get this off my chest.”

“Joanna, I just want you to know I forgive you and I love you very much. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.” He came over and sat by her side, once again taking her hand in his, “Joanna, nothing else matters but right here and right now. If I’m going to lose you”, He stopped as tears pooled in his eyes, “If I’m going to lose you, I don’t want to live in regret. I don’t want you to die thinking I never forgave you. I don’t want you to die and leave me here to kick myself for not forgiving you, telling you how much I really love you. I need you to know that.” A single tear worked its way down his face. Then two, then three.

“Oh, Michael. I do.” Her lower lip quivered, “I love you too. All the fights we’ve had were all because of what happened. I lived in fear, Michael. I don’t want to live in fear anymore. I was afraid you somehow knew, that you hated me because of it. I was always on edge because of what I had done, but there’s something else you must know.”

Joanna took a deep breath and told him about the abortion. Michael took it all in.

“Then your little baby is waiting in Heaven for you.” He smiled.

The dam burst and the tears flowed freely. A heavy weight was lifted from her shoulders, but there was still one more thing left to do. She picked up the phone.

The following is a poem I wrote to go along with the story. As I wrote the story, all I could think about was, "It's amazing how things can change in the blink of an eye." One minute you're talking to someone, the next they're sick, in the hospital, maybe even gone. That's why it's so important, while they're still here, to tell the people you care about you love them. You may never get a second chance. If you don't, you'll live a life of regret, hating yourself for not taking that one last chance to say, "I love you." I remember, years ago, as a kid, when we attended a certain church, we had a guest speaker. He talked about the importance of saying those three words. He said he would never leave the house without saying them. Ever since that day, I vowed to myself I would never leave the house, or anywhere, without telling my family, or friends that I love them. It makes a difference. Just think of this...wouldn't you want it to be the last words you say to them? Remember, life is precious. We must hold each moment dear, because that moment will soon slip away, and it will become a memory. What kind of memory do you want?? God also warns us to be prepared for His coming. What about dying? Are you ready to die? My mother sometimes asks people, "If you were to die today, and stand before God, and He were to ask you, "Why should I let you into my Heaven? What would you say?" What will you say??? Be ready, things can happen in the...

Blink of an Eye

I know sometimes it's hard to say,
three simple words.
Then the moment slips away,
and they're never heard.

You cannot go back and change the past,
So hold each moment dear.
Say, "I love you" time and again,
while you have your loved ones here.

Chorus:
Cause like the blink of an eye,
some things don't last.
Every minute that goes by,
becomes a memory of the past.
Hold on to the love you have,
and never let it die.
Cause it might not be there anymore,
all it takes is the blink of an eye.

You say, "I'll say a prayer tomorrow,
Maybe go to church someday.
Perhaps I will then consider,
the things God has to say."

God tells us to be prepared,
cause tomorrow may never come.
So will you receive God's precious gift?
His only begotten Son.

For whosoever believes in Him,
will live and never die.
So take this moment, while it's here,
it can disappear in the blink of an eye.

Cause like the blink of an eye,
Some things don't last.
Every minute that goes by,
becomes a memory of the past.
God sent His love, His only Son,
On the cross He let Him die.
But He arose, and He's coming again,
in the blink of an eye.
Will you be ready if Jesus comes?
In the blink of an eye.